You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
