My underwear smells like fireworks.
In America we eat man semen.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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