I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
