the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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