we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
