the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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