So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
