I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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