You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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