it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
