He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
