i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
