Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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