Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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