hotel room ftw
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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