need another drink. this is the easiest way
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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