it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
