I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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