Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
