If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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