Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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