I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
