Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Someone signed my nipple.
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