So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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