it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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