Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
