I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
