I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
