ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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