he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize