Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
