omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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