ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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