Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize