i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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