Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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