You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
