I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
