I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
