Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
