It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize