So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
