Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
