Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize