Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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