He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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