i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
