pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
