The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
