I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
