you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
