is your mom at the bar?
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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