Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
