It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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