dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
