I showed him my bush... on skype.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
