yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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