**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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