his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
