i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
