I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
