So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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