I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
