OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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