Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
