I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
