I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's the barista slut.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
