Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
