a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
