the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize