ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
