Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
false alarm, still single
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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