Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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