omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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