It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize