Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You dont lie about slip and slides
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
