he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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