Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
