Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
