You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
