He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
