I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A+ Viking dick
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
